I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize