I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize