I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
