i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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