I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
