HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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