I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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