I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
