I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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