i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
