On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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