oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
