Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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