So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
