Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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