the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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