he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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