I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
