just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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