You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
