Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
