have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
