Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
