I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
