Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
