I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
