I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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