I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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