If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
