If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
