I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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