You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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