I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
