no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
