The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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