Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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