you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
