We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize