Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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