the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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