He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
