If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
