Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize