Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
