you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
