she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
