I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
