Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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