Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
