Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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