i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
