Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
