just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
