Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
