put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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