I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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