drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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