i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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