i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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