it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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