im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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