Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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