Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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