I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
