Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
