I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
