i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my sisters under your porch take her home
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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