Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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